Holding Out For Love (Windswept Bay Book 5) Read online

  Table of Contents

  Title Page

  Holding Out For Love

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Epilogue

  More Books in the Windswept Bay Series

  About the Author

  Copyright

  HOLDING OUT FOR LOVE

  Windswept Bay Book Five

  DEBRA CLOPTON

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  Holding Out For Love

  Jillian Sinclair needs a man and she needs him now. She dreams of being a mother-but the doctor just gave her the news that if she plans to carry a baby herself then her time is running out. She also wants true love like her sisters but will she have to settle for something less than that in order to get her baby?The last thing she needs is the only man she's loved and lost coming back to town.

  Undercover cop, Ryan Locke is back in Windswept Bay but for how long? He broke her heart once when he chose his career over her. Can he be the answer to her prayers or will his dedication to justice take him away from her once more?

  Chapter One

  What am I going to do?

  Jillian Sinclair blinked away the tears blurring her vision as she knelt in the flowerbed of Windswept Bay Resort, stunned and disbelieving an hour after leaving the doctor’s office. Panic clawed at her throat as she rammed a trowel into the dirt, loosening it up just enough for her to plunge her gloved hands into the softened soil. She removed enough soil to make room for one of the many ferns she and her crew were planting as they prepared for the Thanksgiving Day celebration her family always held for the resort visitors and the people of the community.

  Thanksgiving…

  Jillian squeezed her eyes tight, pausing movement as she struggled to be thankful after learning her hopes and dreams for her future were ticking away by the moment and were very likely already out of her reach.

  She struggled to blink away tears that threatened to expose her pain to anyone who might walk up or ask her a question before she got herself composed.

  I will not cry. I will not focus on the glass half-empty…

  There was so much in her life to be grateful for…she would focus on that.

  But the doctor’s words throbbed relentlessly, like a migraine in the forefront of her mind… “Your opportunities for conceiving will diminish substantially in the next couple of years. The endometriosis is too evasive. A total hysterectomy is unavoidable…sooner than later…I’m so sorry, Jillian.”

  No more sorry than Jillian. She wanted children. Wanted to conceive them, feel them kick inside her womb, feel the joy of their amazing life growing inside her…wanted to know the love of her baby’s daddy, experience that blessed journey with the love of her life.

  But there was no love of her life on the horizon.

  The only thing on her horizon right now was this bombshell dropped on her this morning.

  How could recent, painful female troubles be so devastating so quickly…so unexpectedly? To realize that being able to conceive a child would not be an option for her if she didn’t act soon… Her heart squeezed and she felt lightheaded, breathless. She needed a husband.

  She needed him now, if her dream of carrying a child herself were to come to fruition.

  But there are options.

  The thought was true. Not her first choice. Her dream was the traditional happily-ever-after choice that her three sisters were living and enjoying right now…she wanted that too.

  Sitting back on her heels, she pushed her hair from her face with the back of her gardening glove and let her gaze sweep down the sidewalk to where her crew was getting the soil ready in the larger area of the massive planting. It wasn’t just for Thanksgiving but also part of the renovation going on in the rooms on this rear wing of the resort overlooking the beautiful bay. It was a busy time for her as she oversaw the landscaping projects and she loved every aspect of keeping the family resort beautiful for the guests who came here for rest, rejuvenation, and celebrations. Keeping the grounds welcoming and enchanting was a joy to her.

  But at the moment, she felt no joy herself.

  Planting seedlings and watching them grow and bloom into their full potential was rewarding to Jillian. Watching and helping her children grow into their potential…had been her dream. Motherhood had been her dream. A noise on the second floor drew her attention and she saw Abe, their contractor, help move some plywood into one of the rooms being renovated.

  What about Abe?

  She and Abe had been out a few times—two times, to be exact. He was a great person. Could he be her hope?

  She yanked her gloves off and rubbed her temple. He was handsome in a rugged, strong way and a nice guy, but she felt no sparks, no butterflies when she was around him. Jillian wanted butterflies.

  Her sisters had butterflies in reaction to the loves of their lives. Each had fallen deeply, madly, hopelessly in love in a short period of time. And she was quite certain that butterflies came with the territory. Considering Jillian was the one who had planted hundreds of butterfly bushes in the landscaping that she adored, there was no way on earth that she would settle for anything less than butterflies when it came to falling in love.

  Could she settle for less than that for a baby?

  In light of the news today, could she hold out for love?

  She was happy for her sisters—really, really happy—but her biological clock was ticking just as quickly as Shar, Olivia, and Cali’s. Ha! Obviously hers was ticking like a time bomb.

  “Hey, sis, how’s it going?” Shar called, startling Jillian, as she rushed up the sidewalk. Her dark hair and sparkling green eyes were so different from Jillian and Olivia’s that it was hard to believe they were triplets. But they were and in every aspect it seemed but reproduction opportunities.

  “Great,” Jillian lied and plastered a smile on her face, and was relieved that she’d managed to get the tears under control. “What are you up to today?”

  Shar beamed. “I’m on a quick mission to see Abe. Gage and I have been working on plans for enlarging the sea turtle hospital with the funds we’re donating in his dad’s name. I’m here to see when Abe can come over and give us a bid. I’d love to start it before he finishes the resort—if he has time to oversee the two at the same time.”

  “Oh, that would be good,” Jillian said. Shar loved rescuing sea turtles and she’d found a soul mate who shared her passion. She and Gage were perfect together. Made amazingly for each other. Jillian had always called Shar Superwoman because of her dedication and passion for protecting and rescuing sea life and for helping Windswept Bays Sea Turtle Hospital. God had done an amazing job when he created Gage as the perfect partner for her.

  Has God created someone for me?

  If so, when was he going to show up? Or was she going to have to forget the butterflies and instead, find a good man to father her baby? Abe was a good man.

  Shar studied her. “Are you coming to Cali’s housewarming?”

  Cali’s. “Oh,” Jillian gasped and sprang from her kneeling position. “I lost track of the time. I need to get home and take a shower and pick up the appetizers I made.” She dusted her knees off and was so glad she had prepared the food before she’d lost her mind this morning at the doctor’s office.

  Shar laughed. “Hey girl, calm down. I
’ll let them know you’re coming. I’ll just be here a moment and then I’m heading over. It’s all good.”

  Jillian didn’t share Shar’s sentiment. All wasn’t good at the moment but she was not going to let anyone know she was struggling with bad news. Now wasn’t the time. “I’ll hurry and see you there.”

  It was a rushed drive down the beach to her small bungalow on the hillside over one street from the beach, with a glimpse of the ocean from her backyard. Jillian loved the beach but when she went looking for a home, she chose one with room for her flowers and a view rather than direct access to the beach. She threw off her dusty clothes and wound her thick hair into a coil and clipped it up before she jumped into a barely warm shower.

  Still breathless an hour later, Jillian parked her car behind a black Dodge in Cali and Grant’s drive and breathed a sigh of relief that she wasn’t too late. How could she have forgotten that her sister was holding a special party with her family tonight? This was a special time for Cali and Grant, her amazing artist husband. They were so very happy and Jillian was happy for them and her other sisters, Shar and Olivia.

  Hurrying from the car, and feeling fragmented, she slammed her door and pulled open the hatchback of her small SUV. She pulled out the large, shallow box holding the cake, pie, and appetizers she’d brought. Her four brothers who were here could put away enough food to feed an army, so it took a lot of food—and she did like to bake and cook, so it was nothing for her to go overboard. But several friends were attending the housewarming too, so going a little overboard on preparation was a good thing.

  Her hands were full and she had to shift the box to her hip, and held it precariously. Holding her breath and hoping the box held steady, she reached up, grabbed the hatch and pulled downward. The box on her hip shifted.

  She gasped and glanced at the Key lime pie and the three-tiered Italian Cream Cake as they slid to one side of the shallow box, shifting the weight. She knew instantly that it was all about to end up on the pavement. She grabbed for it but knew it was too late.

  “Oops, I’ve got it,” a man said, diving out of nowhere, his dark head down as both his hands steadied the box on her hip.

  Jillian froze as Ryan Locke lifted his gaze to meet her shocked…and horrified…eyes.

  Smooth, masculine, and the one man who’d ever caused her heart to ache with young, foolish love. And he was back in town.

  The only man ever to rip her heart to shreds and worse, he didn’t even know he’d done it.

  Jillian froze as she stared at the man she had never forgotten. She couldn’t breathe; she couldn’t think as all of her words evaporated. She managed his name. “Ryan.”

  It took all she had to force his name past frozen lips as memories of the last time she saw him flashed in vivid, mortifying color across her memory.

  “It’s good to see you, Jillian. It’s been a long time.”

  Nowhere near long enough. She wished for the ground to open up and swallow her. She couldn’t say anything.

  As if not noticing she hadn’t said anything, he continued. “I hope you don’t mind me dropping in on the party? Jax invited me, and I stopped by and saw Levi at the police department and he invited me, too, so I thought I’d come and say hi to your family.”

  She cleared the two-ton frog out of her throat. “Oh,” she croaked. “Of course I wouldn’t mind. Why would I mind?” As soon as the question was out there, she cringed. She knew exactly why he would ask such a question because the last time she’d been in the same room with him, she’d been eighteen and thrown herself at him in the most humiliating way. She felt her cheeks flame and knew she was probably the exact same color as her fuchsia dress.

  “Oh, that’s great that you and Ryan know each other.”

  Jillian yanked her eyes off Ryan and felt the flutter of butterflies as she stared in dismay at her friend Blair Baines. Blair was smiling widely at her. She worked for Jillian in the landscape department at the resort. She was also in love with Ryan’s cousin Jax, who stood beside her.

  As of the last few months, Jax had begun working with Grant, traveling with him sometimes to assist Grant as he painted his world-renowned sea life murals. Jax also owned the Lagoon Adventures in town, a recreation business that did a brisk business in Windswept Bay. They were some of the friends she’d expected to be at this party.

  Ryan—she hadn’t expected in a million years he would be here.

  She thought the world of the younger couple and focused on them as she tried to get a grip on her shock at seeing Ryan for the first time in years. “Yes, we…go way back. Ryan is my brother Levi’s best friend.” She ventured a glance back at him. He was still as handsome as he’d ever been. His dark-chocolate eyes studied her with butterfly-inducing results. This was not the butterflies she’d just been wishing for earlier. No, never again where he was concerned. She yanked her gaze away, disturbed that her pulse careened recklessly and the unwanted butterflies delivered disturbing feelings of that same thrill of attraction that she’d felt as an eighteen-year-old when she looked at the man she’d idolized since childhood.

  “Oh, I should have realized that.” Blair hugged Jax’s arm and beamed up at him. “Jax told me that, duh.” She laughed.

  Jax grinned. “He’s going to run my business while I’m gone to Australia to help Grant with his new mural.”

  Blair looked sad. “I’m going to miss you the two weeks you’ll be gone. But, I’m so glad Ryan could come to help out.” She looked back at Jillian. “Jax has been a little stressed lately.”

  “Hey, I’m fine, Blair.” Jax kissed her cheek. “You are the one worrying. This is a great thing for our future.”

  Jillian felt the love as Jax looked into Blair’s eyes. Longing for that kind of love swept over her and she pulled her gaze away and met Ryan’s eyes.

  Memories hit her like ice water. Oh and how! She clutched the box of goodies closer—and decided right then that she might have to hide behind the house and eat every last crumb in hopes to help alleviate her stress.

  Blair sighed. “I know, sorry.”

  The sound of worry in Blair’s voice grabbed Jillian’s attention. She was one of Jillian’s favorite people, and adorably and completely in love with Jax, so what was going on?

  “You look great,” Ryan said, drawing her attention back to him.

  She’d chosen to wear a fuchsia-toned sundress with silver sandals instead of her jeans and boots hoping the outfit would distract her family from noticing she wasn’t feeling up to par. “Thank you,” she muttered. “I normally have dirt on my knees and smears across my cheeks.”

  He smiled, despite her not having meant it to be funny.

  “You look awesome, Jillian,” Blair said. “That dress looks gorgeous on you.”

  This was getting awkward.

  “You look very nice and do clean up good,” Ryan said, a teasing light in his eyes. He’d always loved to tease and she’d lapped up every delightful time he’d focused that teasing on her and not one of her sisters.

  “What can I say? I love dirt.” The statement didn’t come out teasingly as she’d hoped, but sounded nervous—was dirt all she could talk about? How had her day gone from horrible to worse this quickly?

  She’d hoped being around her family would be a welcome distraction from her troubles. And now…she wanted to throw the desserts in the vehicle and run away. It was so adolescent that she was embarrassed but even that couldn’t change how she felt.

  “You always did love to play in the dirt.” Ryan joined in again.

  He was studying her, smiling…looking as handsome as he always had and holding her secrets behind those nearly charcoal eyes of his.

  Her insides trembled. He had witnessed the most humiliating day of her life and then he’d left. Hadn’t even said good-bye.

  Jillian held his gaze, felt hers harden despite struggling desperately to appear unaffected. She was falling apart and she knew it. “I, I need to get these inside. Bye.” She didn’t meet an
yone’s eyes and didn’t wait for anyone to say more; no, she just made a beeline for the side entrance of Cali’s house.

  Somewhere behind her, she heard her brother Jake holler Ryan’s name and knew she’d have a little time to compose herself as her brothers cornered him.

  He had, after all, been a friend of all of her brothers. He’d been like a sixth son to her parents. And best friends with Levi. And the focus of all of her adolescent admiration.

  He was nearly seven years older than her, so much of her life she’d been one of the little sisters. The tagalong. When he’d been a senior in high school, she’d been barely in sixth grade. But just starting to really notice boys and Ryan had gone from being her hero to being her first crush. The problem had been that the crush had never gone away and all through junior high and high school, it had only intensified.

  On top of that, Ryan had very nearly begun to ignore her just before when she’d gotten into high school. And then he’d gone off to college and she’d suffered in silence, missing him with all her heart. She hadn’t understood why he’d stopped teasing her. She’d told herself it was just because he was older and looking forward to his college life. But when he came home and they ran into each other, he was polite and always seemed ready to get away from her as fast as he could…

  Until that night when her prom date had too much to drink and Ryan had found them, pulled the date off her and then had taken her home. She’d been upset, tipsy, and made the horrible mistake of throwing herself at him. That moment had been the one time in her life she’d regretted to this day.

  Chapter Two

  His heart raced as Ryan watched Jillian disappear into the house. She hadn’t expected to see him. Levi hadn’t told her he was in town and it was easy to see she wasn’t happy about him being here.

  Now wasn’t the time to think about the reasons him being back in town would make her cheeks glow nearly purple. Instead, he turned to greet her brother Jake and tried not to think about how beautiful she was. But her sparkling eyes were lodged in his memory and had been ever since that night she’d scared the daylights out of him when she’d thrown her arms around his neck and kissed him as if he’d been her long-lost lover.